Exploring body literacy, pleasure and wellbeing
In a recent Q&A with Billie Quinlan, Co-founder and CEO at Ferly (a business on a mission to improve sexual wellbeing), we were delighted to gain insight into Billie’s perspective on the link between a deeper understanding of the body, increased pleasure and wellbeing.
An excerpt of this interview appears in Sisterhood: The Journal - the menstrual cycle guide for adults, designed to help you get in sync with your period, hormones and natural rhythm.
What does body literacy mean to you?
I interpret body literacy to mean knowledge and understanding about one’s body. These are two distinct phases. Knowledge means acquiring accurate information about our body, the way it functions and why. Understanding comes next and is very personal to our own bodies. This phase is about taking the knowledge and applying it to our own experiences e.g. what feels good for us and knowing how to bring more of this into our lives and equally, what feels bad and knowing how to change this. Body literacy is especially powerful when it comes to pleasure. It empowers you to explore your erogenous zones and unlock different sensations, which in turn provides you with a lexicon to communicate with your partner(s). There is a beautiful practice on the Ferly app called ‘Body Mapping’. If you’re struggling to explore on your own, tune into this practice and be guided through the exploration.
What are the most common misconceptions about the female body that you come across?
There are plenty but I’m going to share two: the clitoris and desire. For centuries we’ve believed that men are more sexual than women, that they get more pleasure from sex and have a higher level desire than women. These two things aren’t true. They come from a fundamental lack of knowledge about the female body. Firstly, let’s address the misconceptions about the clitoris. We sent a man to the moon before we fully understood the shape and size of the clitoris. It wasn’t until the 90’s that scientists discovered it was shaped like a wishbone and had 8,000 nerve endings (double the penis)! Now we need to re educate ourselves on how to give that girl some love! Secondly, let’s set some things straight regarding female desire. There are two different drive systems: spontaneous and situational. Spontaneous desire is triggered when we see something we like e.g. a beautiful woman walks into a bar. This type of desire is most often experienced by men which is why we have this myth that men are more sexual. Conversely, the majority of women experience situational desire e.g. you’ve been taken out on a nice date, you feel really good in your body and the person you’re with has made you laugh all night. This lovely situation is what triggers situational desire. It takes a little more effort and requires a deeper understanding of what situations arouse you as an individual. It certainly doesn’t mean those with a situational drive system are less sexual!
How do you see the connection between self love and wellbeing?
There is a really strong association between poor sexual wellbeing and an impaired quality of life. So much so that the WHO have declared it a public health crisis. Self-love, self-pleasure, masturbation - whatever you want to call it - are fundamental practices that support our sexual wellbeing. These practices also support our body literacy as they help us to connect with our bodies in a really deep and intimate way. We believe self-pleasure is a crucial practice in one’s life and we go as far as recommending it as a daily routine, just like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. Sex is a basic human need, just like food and water. This doesn’t mean we need to go around having penis in vagina sex, but it does mean we should connect with our sexuality on a regular basis, and self-pleasure is one really powerful way that we can do this without needing anyone else! It’s the most pleasurable gift you can give to yourself.
What advice do you have when it comes to pleasure and the menstrual cycle?
There has been a lot of stigma about period sex or period masturbation, but for some women, being on their period can be their horniest time of the month. It all comes back to body literacy. If you know that this is the case for you then celebrate that. Our menstrual cycle is the most natural thing in the world. There is nothing shameful about it. So if you are aroused when you are on your period, fantastic. Have sex, have a wank, do whatever brings you pleasure. Research has also shown that sexual pleasure can be an incredible pain reliever so if you are someone that suffers with cramps, sex is a wonderful natural remedy! And if you’re worried about the bed sheets, throw down a dark towel and pop it in the wash after. No harm done ;)
